As Night Succumbs to Dawn

We will love the silent stream
And esteem the hiding sun
Will relish the still feeling
That the sunset’s just begun

In the depth of darkness
Will surrender the stars

We’ll be flying in the moonlit night

From behind the caging bars

It’s in the barren desert
That our love will always bloom
As long as we breathe together

our hearts will never doom

There will be no distance
Though we will be far apart
With our minds not with our hands
We will ascend from the start

When the morning sun will rise
I’ll find you standing there
On that very radiating morning
The world will witness the rare.

Beauty in Simplicity

I was always picked on for not owning a cell phone for many years. While it’s partly possible that I may not have been able to afford one at university, I never ‘wanted’ it because I felt it will make my life complicated. I finally gave in to peer pressure and to the notion of life being impossible without it and regret the decision up until this day. Actually, regret may be too much of a heavy word – let’s just say I don’t like having a phone as I don’t like being tracked down or tracking people down. While it certainly has its enormous benefits, I feel that I can’t enjoy it as much because of an inability to ‘disconnect’ from it. That is what makes things complicated. It almost ‘never’ leaves me alone (and I feel extremely bad about turning it off, missing calls and getting it trouble for not picking up my phone). I think many people feel that way – I remember a while ago, my friend, Omayma, forgot her cell phone at home (an extremely rare event) and at the end of the day remarked how peaceful her day had been.

What does simplicity mean to you? When I was studying the human body in one of my undergrad courses, I could not help but to complain how ‘complicated’ everything seemed to be. There was just way too much terminology, diagrams, and tedious processes to memorize and understand in a limited time frame. But as the time went by and I was able to see the bigger picture, I began to realize how each and every natural process ultimately boils down to a simple function. A simple Newtonian equation F=ma, celebrated for its elegance and simplicity, together with other simple equations, accounts for a HUGE range of universal phenomena. It’s almost like finding a simple pattern hidden in an apparent chaos. Things get stripped down to their most basic, their most simple. It is no surprise then that many people including me find peace and serenity in nature. In nature, there is no more or less than what’s needed. There is no excess, no lack of organization – it is just the right balance.

The way nature manages to strike such a beautiful balance by simplifying complexity in simple yet remarkable ways is beyond inspiring. Simplicity then becomes the ability to use our complex thought process, intricate conscience, infinite knowledge, powerful experiences, and flamboyant emotions to master our mysterious world in such a way so as to achieve peace and serenity within our selves – our minds, bodies, and souls. Would you rather have a rack crammed full of mismatched clothes or a wardrobe simplified down to allow focus on the items that enhance your appearance and your personality?

"The wisdom of life consists in the elimination of non-essentials" - Lin Yutang

Do you know?

I know and recognize
those gestures and the smiles
your words create turbulence
from distance and miles.
You stand there with my heart
not like the other admirers
your hands are like magic wands
my creators, my destroyers.
You've grabbed my soul
and set it higher
with the passion ignited
I feel like on fire.
The mind is naive
may have a heart of a child
but you've left it wandering
to be swirled and beguiled.

Climbing High

I would like to thank everyone who has been a great help and source of strength for me during the last year particularly my family and friends.

It was the scariest chapter of my life and at times felt like the last one. A slope so steep that I was not able to see or expect what was ahead. Remember when you were a kid and were curious about something that you could not see on the kitchen counter because you were not tall enough? You were determined to see what was there; perhaps it was something good to eat, so you would stand on your tippy toes expecting that would help you see clearly.

So, I did exactly that; stood on my tip toes expecting to see what lies ahead while attempting to resist the sharp fall. Rising up on the toes increased my reach while decreasing the friction. But I couldn’t have done that without the compassionate ones who held my hands to raise my heels off the ground while keeping me balanced. I am still in that position welcoming exciting opportunities to begin my new life and they are still holding on to me. At this point, I couldn’t agree more that ‘to love and be loved’ is the greatest strength in this world - My mother’s prayers, my father’s strength, my brothers’ goofiness, my best friend’s compassion became my inspiration to climb back up again.

It was never an end. It was only a gap; a void. When many things were taken away, I was blessed with immense love. I learned that even when we feel it’s the end of the world and there is nothing left, there is always SOMETHING that keeps us going, that inspires us and gives us the strength to face the challenges and remain patient.

Those who know me well can testify that I always got it ‘easy’ in life – my parents raised me up like a princess, always pampered and taken care of. Effortlessly blessed with whatever I wished for, whenever I wanted. Without being ungrateful, I sometimes feel that made my heart into a barren desert – unable to thoroughly understand what it means to be trialed and tested and relate to someone’s pain. I spectated the misery in our world but only as ‘topics’ to be studied and discussed. I am now able to view the trials as rain drops on that barren desert – seeds that lied dormant are now blooming. Sometimes that is exactly what we need to bring out the best in ourselves. It is like a slap to wake us up and be able to see and be grateful for all the pleasures and blessings in our lives. My life was a big blur and out of focus – now, the lens is calibrated making the picture clearer than ever.

This is not the end of my story; it is just the ‘beginning’.

Pakistan: Jashn-e-Azaadi Mubarak (Happy Independence Day)

I am still hopeful for my beautiful country. Are you?


Lab pe aati hai dua ban kay tamana meri
Zindagi sham’a key surat ho Khudaya meri.

Dur dunya ka maray dam say andheera ho jaye!
Har jagah meray chamaknay say ujala ho jaye!

Ho maray dam say younhi meray watan key zeenat
Jis tarah phool say hoti hai chaman ki zenat

Zindgi hoo maray parwanay key surat Ya Rab!
Ilm ki sham’a say ho mujko muhabat Ya Rub!

Ho mara kaam ghareeboon key himayat kerna
Dard mandoon say za’ieefoon say muhabbat karna

Maray Allah! burai say bachana mujhko
Naik jo rah hoo us raah pay chalana mujh ko

May longing comes to my lips as supplication of mine O Allah!
May like the candle be the life of mine O Allah!
May the world’s darkness disappear through the life of mine!
May every place light up with the sparkling light of mine!
May my homeland through me attain elegance
As the garden through flowers attains elegance
May supportive of the poor my life’s way be
May loving the old, the suffering my way be.
O Allah! Protect me from the evil ways
Show me the path leading to the good ways

I'm listening!

I know you believe you understand what you think I said; but what you fail to realize is that what you heard is not what I meant!

Sometimes, I wish we all communicated with each other using sign language – so simple and concise. No reading between the lines, no hidden meanings, no misunderstandings; the biggest drawback - it would take FOREVER to say a simple sentence.

Why am I writing about this in my blog? Well, because verbal miscommunication is no laughing matter; words spoken in frustration can lead to serious hurt. They can hurt not only the person to whom they are aimed at but also to the speaker. I feel hurt when I am criticized, advised, or just spoken to with harsh words and tone. So does others. For me, it’s an inability to hear someone out when the tone of their message is harsh or full of frustration. I just want to plug my ears or scream on the top of my lungs – not because I don’t want to hear them out or not share their feelings or their advice isn’t important to me but because I just cannot handle it in that particular way of speech. And yes, I do start to cry! I am pretty sure I myself have had this behavior at times with others especially when I am running extremely low on patience and very high on emotions (guilty as charged). Sometimes I do it because I’ve spent years being ‘quiet’ and ‘calm’ at hurtful situations and misjudgments and now I just don’t want to remain quiet. I do however try my best to keep my tongue under control and refrain from saying hurtful things even ‘as jokes’.

In fact, most of the time, hurtful things are said when people involved in the conflict are themselves hurt, angry, resentful, and disappointed. In other words, they are said as a ‘reaction’ to a particular situation, physical/emotional pain, or even as a defense mechanism. Ironically and unfortunately, most of the times this tends to happen with our most beloved ones. Even more ironic is we hardly ever INTEND to hurt these people. In fact, we almost always intend the opposite. Makes me wonder if it’s really a communication/understanding gap between two people that gives rise to such miscommunication? It’s possible but that’s not always the case because many times we are often severely hurt by or hurt those with whom we have spent days and years, those whom we happen to know inside and out, and those whom we can’t live without.
Many things can intervene to prevent the intended message from being received accurately by the other person. As much as words are important, even more important are our expressions, tone of voice, gestures, and posture. We can easily convey a message without words (e.g. a smile) but we can never effectively convey one merely using a whole bunch of empty vocab. A single word can carry multiple meanings depending on intonation. It is important to realize that both the sender and the receiver will perceive the message based on their own situations, complexities, circumstances, previous assumptions, previous experiences, cultural/family differences, world views and expectations. Yes, one can definitely try to be open minded but if a heavy loaded message is not transmitted in the most appropriate way using ALL the important elements of communication, it is very likely that the message will be perceived differently by the receiver (hint: msn, phone, text messaging are all convenient but horrible ways to communicate an ambiguous message).

So, save your self from the confusion, all the extra explanations, and that horrible feeling of dissatisfaction “….but I did not mean it that way…he/she just doesn’t get it”. I’ve noticed that I tend to misunderstand people usually when I am in conflict with them. In that case, communication is already strained, and to top that off some people will often want to hide the truth to some extent for whatever reasons. Sometimes not sharing enough information or sharing TOO much information can also increase the risk of misperception. Most often, I find that it is useful to first state the POINT and then elaborate on it rather than the other way around. Sometimes, we end up going in circles and then conclude with the main point. That is also a good way because it softens the blow but holds the risk of the point being lost in the labyrinth of events. Another very important thing is of course, LISTENING. This is one of the things I really need to work on because I am a ‘talker’! The worst part is in a conflict, I either end up talking a lot or become dumbfounded (I am not even listening in that phase). I need to strike a balance there. Although, I find that being dumbfounded mostly works in my favor because it prevents me from saying things I may regret later on. But, it leaves me frustrated at not being able to explain myself thoroughly. I think it also leaves the person at the other end feeling frustrated because of an inadequate response. I am guilty until proven innocent. (Anyone have any good suggestions or advice to improve this aspect?). Usually, when I sit down alone and reflect on what was being said, I understand it well and oftentimes find that I have a response, but I am not able to articulate it well on the spot.

I hate playing the blame game. It’s almost like putting gasoline in fire. Unless I am really upset, I always try my best to avoid the words ‘YOU are this or that’ or ‘YOU did this’ in a conflict. If I happen to do so, I apologize because it is just plain wrong and rude. I despise it when people use it against me. Instead, try using “I feel upset because of this action”. This way one is making sure that it is the action that is being hated and not the individual. The receiver also needs to focus on the action and how it made the other person feel. It is best to avoid sarcasm and exaggeration, and be respectful even if an understanding is not being reached. It is not the end of the world. Everyone is going through some struggle and it is more important to be kind than to get your point across.

Lastly, the most important thing in my opinion is to give people benefit of the doubt and forgive and forget. As Muslims, we must always keep this in mind no matter how difficult a situation gets with another individual. We are not aware of the other’s intention; heck sometimes we are not even aware of our OWN intentions. If you think you are 90% correct in what you have to say, there is still a 10% probability that the other person may be correct. Kill your ego and always initiate a hand toward peace and friendship. If you’re holding a grudge, let it go. If your heart and mind is burdened with what was said and done, then refine it. We all differ in our sensitivity toward sensory mode language, so it is essential to be considerate to prevent heartbreaks. Making it through a conflict through dialogue is definitely important but sometimes it is better to just rise above and jump over it.

Experiencing the "Other"

Another Ethnography I wrote a while back. Experience it from my eyes. http://www.royalfair.org/

Usually I sleep so deeply that often times it takes me a while to really come into my senses and realize that the music playing is not a part of my dream, but the radio-clock blasting in my ears. However, last night's sleep was interrupted many times due to the agony affiliated with "Hell" week. Hell week is the pre-planned, conspirative wrath brought upon by professors on the poor students in which all the deadlines and tests happen to be in the same week. With an aching body and a numbed brain, I force myself out of bed and get ready to go to the Royal Winter Agriculture Fair taking place at the CNE exhibitions ground. To visit the fair for my field work is certainly not something I planned in advance as I originally wanted to attend a much smaller, confined event like a workshop or a group activity. Even at this very moment, I am debating my choice since I am worried that attending a fair may take up a lot more time than I originally planned to spend on this task. Moreover, it's intimidating to go there all by myself especially after my previous awkward experience at the Harvest Fest where I felt completely left out among families and children. I am sure it’s not something as overwhelming if you are accompanied by a friend or if you have kids to take along but unfortunately none of these options are available to me at the moment. Throwing my thoughts aside, I quickly gulp down a cup of delicious, hot chocolate milk and walk out of my house. I rush to the bus stop in an attempt to suppress the convincing whisperings telling me to leave this task for tomorrow. It is a typical autumn day characterized by clear skies and flourishing sunlight accompanied by crisp, cold wind repeatedly stabbing every part of my existence. The stiff, naked trees and the absence of flowers induce a sense of emptiness while the twirling piles of dried, scattered leaves on the ground remind you of bloodless wounds of farewell. With hands in my coat’s pocket, I run toward the bus that has already arrived at the bus stop and waiting for the traffic light to turn green. I remain successful at catching the bus and feel a sense of relief over a good start to my day. I feel a constant struggle to stay alert and prevent my brain from wandering off from ‘reality’. As I reach the subway station, I can’t help but to notice how empty it seems on a Saturday morning as compared to the weekdays. My subway journey from Kipling to Bathurst station should only take about twenty minutes since there doesn’t seem to be a lot of passengers. Once I reach Bathurst, I see an unusual, painted street car on which a poster reads out “Island of Bahamas: Escape from everyday life”. This text sounds ironic because within a few minutes, I expect to experience ‘the Other’ which will not only be an escape from my everyday urban life but for which I certainly won’t have to go to Bahamas. The street car takes me to my destination after passing by crammed shops, old dungeon-like houses with tiny front yards, brick-patterned buildings, traffic, noise, and all those things that typify a typical urban setting. An arrow on the huge sign reading “Royal Agriculture Winter Fair” directs me to a building called “Energy Direct” and a windmill, standing in the midst of artificially designed grassland, welcomes me. I am not too sure if this display merely represents the countryside or if the windmill is a reminder to the public of an alternative ‘energy’ source. After purchasing the ticket at the admission booth and picking up a schedule, I make my way into Hall A. According to the schedule, I have to wait about an hour before I can attend the very interesting sessions of “Milking a Cow!” and “Sheep Shearing”. I feel extremely confused in this huge hall with hundreds of booths lined up in rows and columns and an unbelievable amount of people, especially little kids. I am probably the only one here who is all by myself and it’s not as much fun as it would be if I dragged my family along as well. As I run my sight across a random row of stalls, I come across a stall called “the Fudge Factory”. The aroma of chocolate fudge and red, plump apple candies excite my taste buds and I run toward the stall in an attempt to grab a free sample of sweet, apple candy drowned with fudge and some sugary syrup. All I can say is that it is the yummiest one I’ve ever ate in my whole life and grabbing a free sample surely seems like a flawless victory. I take a few moments to finish off eating and then move on to a few other booths selling cowboy hats, leather jackets, country boots, jams, jellies, honey, wheat, rice and pretty much everything one might consider a ‘country’ souvenir. I wonder why people are finding these so astonishing when these items can be conveniently purchased in a local, city mall or a neighborhood grocery store. In an attempt to find my way to the Education Ring, I enter into another hall called the “lower annex” and feel almost noxious from a weird smell similar to cow’s dung. To my surprise, not only do you find people crowded in here but also cows roaming around slowly and in all directions accompanied by at least one person perhaps its owner making their way into a rink called the ‘Beef show’. I walk carefully on the bare ground finding it hard to distinguish between the mud and cow’s dung, my nose plugged with my fingers to ward off the noxious feces smell till I reach the Education Ring for milking a cow session. On the right hand corner are located benches aligned in a manner analogous to a stair case which is meant to be the seating area for the audience. In close proximity to the seating area is placed a small stage bordered with a white barn fence and enclosed within this fence is a huge, model cow painted black and white with a bucket placed underneath its rubber teat. The stage has been given the look of an old cow barn to give the audience the sensation of a real barn. As the show starts, a farmer wearing overalls and a cowboy hat brings out a real cow and introduces her as ‘magic patty’. I thought that he is going to milk her by hand but to my surprise, milking is done by mechanized black pumps attached to the cow’s teat with pipes going into a large machine. I am surrounded by little curious kids anxious to participate in the questions asked by the host as she engages the audience. After the education session, the host asks the kids to line up to experience cow milking first hand. To be interactive, I hesitatingly decide to join the kids and line up behind a cute little girl who looks upon me as if she's almost ready to question "what I’m doing here". When my turn comes, I introduce myself to the instructor as an ethnographer. I sit on a tool beside the cow’s rear end. She hands me a set of gloves to wear and wet napkins to wipe the teat in preparation for milking. I’ve never been this close to a cow before and I am not too sure if what I feel is fear or mere discomfort as I squeeze the teat in a downward motion. It feels similar to the rubber mouthpiece of a baby’s feeding bottle, slimy but not as soft as I imagined it to be. A steady stream of milk squirts out of the teat into the bucket as I squeeze analogous to the way water squirts out of a water gun. I thank her for giving me this unique opportunity and she gives me a tiny bag of fresh milk as I walk out. Just beside the education ring are located many cages placed on the floor with sheep, pigs, and horses. These cages are made of silver bars all the way around groups of 3-4 goats, sheep, and pigs and are not closed at the top. I wonder why all these goats are sitting so still and quiet in these cages. Why won’t they jump out of the cage? I am walking around looking at these animals from far away, one by one, admiring their beautiful skins and innocent faces. I think my favorite thing is the baby goats, with white fur and pinkish eyes, looking extremely adorable piled on top of each other. After checking out the petting zoo, I make my way through the beautiful displays of farm fruits and vegetables arranged in different patterns, colours, shapes, and sizes. On my way back, I watch the sheep shearing session where the same lady who milked the cow, is now shearing a small woolen, yellow sheep. The sheep is giving her a hard time by not standing still. It feels like the sheep just wants to run away and tries to as well but the lady grabs it in between her legs. The yellow, cloud-like wool piles up on the ground as the sheep stands naked, shameless in front of the entire audience. Something about the whole scene is humorous and the audience especially the kids are not only amazed but are also laughing hysterically. With a smile on my face and my heart filled with pleasure of making some new discovery, I decided to say farewell to the fair.