Ramadan Kareem

One of the first duas (prayers) I learned as a kid. It still echoes in my ear.

Karam maangta hoon Ataa maangta hoon
Ellaahi mein tujh se Dua maangta hoon

Atta kar tu Shaan-e-Kareemi ka sadqa
Atta kar de Shaam-e-Raheemi ka sadqa
Na maangunga tujh se tau maangunga kis se
Tera hoon mein tujh se Dua maangta hoon

Jo muflis hain un ko tau daulat atta kar
Jo beemaar hain un ko sehat atta kar
Mareezoon ke khaatir shifa maangta hoon
Ellahi mein tujh se dua maangta hoon

Maula Mein sadqa-e-Zehra sada maangta hoon
Ellahi mein tujhse dua maangta hoon

Jo nadaar hain kuch nahe jin ke pallay
Unhain bhi dikha de Haram ke tu jalway
Hazroori ho sab ki dua maangta hoon
Ellahi mein tujh se duwa maangta hoon

Wattan ke bharaktay sharaaray bhuja de Issay phir
akhuwat ka gulshan bana de
Mein amn-o-aman ki ridda maangta hoon
Ellahi mein tujh se dua maangta hoon

Ellahi tujhse waasta Panjtan ka
Ho shadaab guncha diloon ke chamman ka
Mein sadq-e-Ghous-ul-Wara maangta hoon
Ellahi mein tujh se dua maangta hoon

Sorry

Freedom

Ramadan mubarak everyone!

What does 'freedom' mean?
Does the eagle want to swim in the sea,
Restricted by the sky?
Does the fish want to dance on the wind,
Not enough river to explore?
Yet the sky is freedom for the bird
but death for the fish,
The sea is wide for the fish
but will engulf the bird.
We ask for freedom but freedom to do what?
We can only express our nature as it was created.
The prayer mat of the earth is freedom,
freedom from slavery to other than the One,
Who offers an shoreless ocean of love to swim in
and a horizon that extends to the next life,
Yet we chose the prison and call it freedom.

Solitude

Just recently, I was having a random discussion with a complete stranger in the subway about the state of being alone. He has been living in Toronto by himself for about a year since he moved from his home country. I happened to be in one of my silly moods and started sharing with him some of the most hilarious, unexpected experiences of my life and how he had to be there to really know what I am talking about. It was his response that really got me thinking - "If I was there, you wouldn't have noticed those moments". I asked him to clarify what he meant to ensure he isn't flirting (:P). He said, sometimes we pay attention to little things only when we are by ourselves. Perhaps, he was right. Or not.

But that is when it clicked to me that a part of me that would find happiness in the most minute, random things is gone missing. Everything I shared with this stranger happened years ago. Most of the experiences I had shared with him were all prior to the year 2008. It's as if in my mind, I've divided my life into two halves - before and after that year. In fact, It's almost as if everytime I have to tell people an interesting story, I refer to the times prior to 2008. It's me who has made that distinction not realizing that life doesn't work that way. It doesn't work in parts or sections. There is never really a prologue, chapter 1, chapter 2, or the end in life. One just needs to pick up the best pieces, carry them over from one phase to the next and make the best out of them. I need to work on erasing these distinctions that I have created in my own mind.

Having said that, I am trying to recall the last couple of months of my life and cannot think up of a lot of things that made me truly laugh. You know the kind of laugh you can feel in your bones. I know I have stopped observing. I know I have stopped paying attention to little things and little moments. This scares me a lot. And I know this has happened because my state of solitude, in which I had always taken refuge in, is breaking apart, running off the rails and starting to feel like a grinding loneliness. And I know this has been happening for long. Loneliness is a monster. It creeps on to you and you never know when it breaks apart your sense of solitude and takes over. You know it's happening when you begin to search for handles to hold on to, when your friendships reach a point of dependency, when attachment to wordly things become so strong that you can't find one minute of peace without these temporary things, and when you want more than you actually need. It is a scary state to be able to not see what you have and see that which you don't.
Nowhere can one find a quieter or more untroubled retreat than in his own soul.

A prayer

"O'Allah! Before you take away a blessing from us, bless us with the wisdom, awareness and understanding to be able to realize the importance of that blessing, to be able to treasure the moments that we spend with it, to be able to thank you for blessing us with such a great blessing, to be able to utilize and enjoy our time with it, to our satisfaction. Before you take away the blessing from us..."

This is the first time I feel I can relate. Let's take a moment away from our busy lives to reflect and be grateful for the very basics - food, sleep, home, and our abilities to hear, see, think, and talk.

I've heard em say...

I wondered often and I've asked
I've heard em say, and they've talked
They talk about love, mention trust
lying is evil, and truth is a must.

Honesty is a policy that keeps integrity
Simplicity is the way to gain morality
Adhere to the principles, never deviate
speak only good, or else dissociate

Patience is a virtue, so wait and see
Never rebel, just let things be
Anger is your enemy, a burning coal
Sorrow is only for the decayed soul

I've heard em say, but what's the fact?
Is gaining trust anything but an act?
Can love ever exist in a hateful world?
Is lying a norm or the truth is blurred?

Be honest, expose, be as soft as wool
Isn't simple another name for a fool?
Following principles only when asked?
Do you know what silence may mask?

What if patience embeds silent aggression?
and rebelling may just be a sign of passion
Not angry enough, the world needs to be mad
Joy cannot be attained, if you are never sad

My favourite quotes